


if it troubles you to breathe.

by hotpielookedlikehotpie



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Gen, Post Movie, may be done or may be a wip idk man, these two will be the scientific death of me ripd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-12-23 23:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/932586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotpielookedlikehotpie/pseuds/hotpielookedlikehotpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And besides, he reasoned with himself, he was just fine; if Newton could do without him than Hermann could more than easily do without Newton.</p>
<p>
  <span class="small">written for <b>jaegercon</b> for <i>tankens</i> on tumblr.</span>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	if it troubles you to breathe.

**Author's Note:**

> takes place in the near future of post movie world. this has the ability to open up into a multichapter creation but we'll see if inspiration and interest strikes.
> 
> posted on tumblr [here](http://vaettur.tumblr.com/post/58569343813/if-it-troubles-you-to-breathe-hermann-gottlieb)

_It's not a big deal,_ a voice in the back of his tells him this, somewhere in the back of his head he _knows_ this, knows that out of everything that's going to be discussed and talked about and examined that this is not even going to be a blip on the radar. But it's all he can think about. His shirt, which he had dry cleaned, ironed, and dared not touch until today has wrinkles on the left side. It's to be expected probably: his layover was two hours long –– he wanted to make sure that a possible delay with his first flight (which did happen, mind you) wouldn't mess up his ability to catch his next flight –– and even in first class the seating was snug. He thought ahead and packed a different outfit for the day but frustratingly didn't think to pack for the day within his carryon, which is where the problem lies because his suitcase got lost somewhere in the in between and is going to be a day late. Not enough time for the meeting today in 0300 hours.

He shakes his head and tries to steady himself with a confident pace on his cane. It doesn't matter. The fucking UN won't mind his wrinkles when they're more pressed at the entirety of the resistance, of Kaiju Science, of the want to reprimand them for following Marshal Stacker when he continued while they told him no but at the same time being grateful they they saved the fucking world. (He wonders where swearing in his subconscious came from, but he knows it with trying not to think of it, knows where it came from, what moment during the almost end of the world brought the idea of using "fuck" as an adjective and seeing it as positive, knows that the drift does shit like that to you when you drift with someone like the person he drifted with.) He has formulas to show them, his very own formulas, and he was confident then about them and he's confident now because by god, they helped save the world. But still, his shirt has wrinkles and he has to talk to the leaders of the world, and then go to a media conference.

"Shit, man." 

At first he just thought it was his newly cursing subconscious thinking rather loudly but then, he realizes that no, it's another person, someone speaking to him, and they're coming towards him. Hermann Gottlieb almost spins he turns around that quickly to see who's coming up from behind, but of course he knows who it is. He knows the voice and even the air that sits around this person: it's Newton Geiszler. Hermann makes himself roll his eyes but it's only half felt because honestly, with this person too near him again it feels like he can breathe normally.

He still annoys Hermann to no end though.

"You look like shit," Newton adds, signifying their greeting. It's the first time they've seen each other and interacted since they left to their own lives after saving the world and Hermann didn't expect or wish for anything more sentimental.

(There's been a couple of nights, Hermann will never admit it, that he almost called or emailed Newton. Where he couldn't sleep and he was sure that no one would understand the pictures that flashed through his head except for one person, one person that he was sure would get it. Would not only understand the pictures that flashed through his mind but understand why they kept him up at night and all the questions and thoughts that lurk in his head that he tries to ignore but just get louder. But always he stopped himself, and always he never made the call or took the time to write. And besides, he reasoned with himself, he was just fine; if Newton could do without him than Hermann could more than easily do without Newton.)

"You would think that someone that was able to finagle their way into earning the title 'Doctor' would have more words in their vocabulary than 'shit'."

But Newt just smiles because god, it was awesome hearing a person like Hermann say the word "shit." The kind of people that don't normally use "swear words" so it even sounds foreign on their tongue, like they're trying out a new language. "Oh, I've really missed your attempts at making me feel inferior, Hermann. Hermann!" Newt gets closer to Hermann and Hermann stiffens as Newt clasps him into a quick hug and then steps back. "How have you been?"

_How have I been?_ He asks himself back. He thinks about the question. He went back.... home. Home that wasn't the Shatterdome surrounded by people trying to save the world but home as in his wife and his family. His brain itched for a certain extra _something_ in his days and he wasn't sure if that was from drift hangover like Rangers always talked about or if it was just what everyone who saved the world and returned to normal life felt. His brain felt both filled past the brim and empty day after day. He didn't know whether to sit and go through an entire notebook to figure out formulas or to try his hand at punching someone because surely, this innate energy within him needed to be let out physically.

How much of the answer to "how have you been?" was actually because of Newton, this person in front of him? How much of him was truly _him_? He feels on defense at such a thing, at letting someone in so close without deciding to. "I have been fine. Well. Great, actually, if you must know. Living and not having the world end seems to be quite a positive occurrence within me. You?"

He asks because he's supposed to, because he knows that when you're asked "how are you" and you respond you're supposed to ask the same thing back. Newt just nods and says, "Yeah man, yeah, I've been good. Great. As well, you know," and somehow it doesn't sit well with Hermann.

Hermann takes a closer look at Newton in front of him. His hair is unkept in more of a "I've been stressed out and running my fingers through this and am likely therefore to bald early in my life" kind of way and less of a "I tried really hard to make my hair look like I don't care" kind of way that he usually went for. His long white dress shirt is clean and pressed, of course, but the sleeves are buttoned and his tie is perfect. Newton Geiszler always rolled his sleeves up. If Hermann didn't notice this everytime the man threw Kaiju entrails on his side of the lab during their time in the Shatterdome, he'd know it from when he drifted with the man as well as the baby Kaiju. What Hermann did to make sure that his hypothesis was correct, to make sure that Newt didn't screw another thing up, lead to more and more complications in the aftereffect than he felt he was able to deal with. Because now he notices. He notices that Newton has his cufflinks buttoned, his overall dress in 100% code acceptable and he knows that that's wrong and screaming Not Newt. He knows from the Drift that Newt during the first UN meeting with Kaiju Science, before things got desperate and the world thought that a wall could stop the Kaiju, Newton had his sleeves rolled up, no tie, shirt untucked, wrinkles and even a stain or two from food and drinks. 

From his own memory, Hermann remembered seeing a couple of people within Kaiju Science like this at the meeting (before it was just two people, just Hermann and Newt and the rest of the world abandoned them, as always) and thinking about what a disgrace these people were to their name. That when they lost funding Hermann decided that of course they lost funding, with all these idiots who weren't true to their minds running the brains of the operation. He viewed them as college kids that snuck their way into the program hoping for fame, and sure, a good amount of them were, but not all of them.

Newton was, is, an example of such.

And there is Newton in front of him, completely wrinkle free and tattoos hidden, smiling and nodding at Hermann and he knows that's wrong. "I could say the same to you, you know." Hermann sniffs, trying to sound casual. "You look like shit too."

Newt's one eyebrow raises and for a second, Herman sees it and feels it, defenses are down and the man in front of him scares him because he seems to be screaming for help. But then the defenses go back up and Newt is laughing because again, it's just so great to hear this man swear, really, he could do a comedy tour of where he just converses and sticks a random profanity within his talk. "What are you talking about? I'm looking sharp and I know it." 

Hermann looks down at his sleeves. "Are you purposefully hiding them?"

Newt (pretends to) not know what he's talking about. "What? All of my muscles? Yeah, you know, I thought it'd be a bit too much for them to experience the brawn at the same time of the brain of our Science department."

"I'm not talking about muscle mass you idiot, I'm talking about your tattoos." 

"Why? You thinking of getting your own, man?"

"Newton, I'm not––"

"You could rock it, you totally could! Frumpy stuffy people, you'd be surprised at how many of them have hidden tattoos amongst them! Oooh, what would you get? You want me to talk to some of my people? I'm sure I could get you a good price."

"I'm not getting a tattoo, Newton. I'm just wondering why you've decided after all of these years of defying the dress code and overall aesthetics of the Science department, you've finally left your sleeves down and kept yourself on the straight with it all."

Newton's quiet for a bit but then sighs and drags his hands through his hair, pulling at it a bit. "Yeah, I'm starting to understand that freaky drift stuff the Rangers talk about having to deal with."

"You don't need to tell me twice," Hermann mutters but Newt doesn't even react.

"I mean like I know that you have tried so hard to keep yourself looking pristine this entire time but, yeah, right there on the left, are some wrinkles on your shirt. And I just know how much this must be destroying and killing you, god, how are you able to even pick up on anything about me with knowing that your shirt has wrinkles in it, Hermann?" 

Hermann is irritated but tries to pull it back, whether it's because of the wrinkles or because of the man in front of him he doesn't give himself enough time to truly figure out. "Yes, well, you know that of me and I know that you dressing respectfully is not right. So."

Newt stays silent as he continues to mess up his own hair and then finally stops, sighing as he takes his hands away. He mumbles something which Hermann doesn't hear and asks him to repeat. "I said, it's just all a bit different nowadays, is all."

"What are you even talking about?" 

"My tattoos," Newton answers and Hermann looks at him intrigued, but also a bit as if he won some argument they haven't had (yet). "I mean i don't regret them at all, no way. They're totally awesome and I love them. But..."

"But after being within the minds of the Kaiju, it feels different looking at them." 

Newton nods enthusiastically because this is exactly what he needed, someone that has been there with him, been within the mind of the Kaiju and understands how it all really is so that they'd understand how he feels too. "Yeah. I mean, of course, yeah, they were our enemy and tried to kill and destroy us, whatever, but the entirety of their existence? And the precursors..."

Both of them both shudder slightly upon the name of those aliens, of the creators of the Kaiju. Within them still lives the fear from the Kaiju of the eyes of the precursors and the underlying paranoia of the precursors sits somewhere within them, probably for the rest of their lives. 

"I've been thinking of getting a tattoo of one of them, actually," Newton adds conversationally. 

Hermann looks at him in shock. "Are you mad?" 

"I'm just saying, I'd want it, if I could trust an artist enough to get the image of them correct. But I don't think even I could accurately describe them. The Kaiju tried to never look at them and if they did, they looked away so quick...Still, yeah, I'd totally want that on me. Until then, my pieces don't really feel complete."

"And that's why you don't show them?" Hermann asks.

"What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure Hermann." It's a lie and they both know it. Newton doesn't want to go into even though he still loves all of his tattoos, how sometimes in the early morning light after he just wakes up and he looks into the mirror they seem to come alive and it seems the Kaiju are looking to attack him. How after Hong Kong he truly understands the fear of seeing one "alive and up close" and how not awesome it actually is. How Newt knows that he doesn't have to say all of this aloud, that Hermann realizes it, and neither of them, really, are going to acknowledge it aloud. "Anyway, some magazine or another wants to do a photo shoot with me where it shows off my tattoos and does a story with it so that's cool."

"Are you going to show _all_ of your tattoos then?" Hermann asks, trying to suppress a smirk.

Newt groans. "Man, drifting sucks. No, I'm not going to show the tattoo I have on my ass. Come on, Hermann! It was my first tattoo, I was in undergrad and it was a dare."

"You were also drunk. Must I remind you of the illegality of getting a tattoo while intoxicated? The place you got it done should be shut down."

"Whatever, man. You get back to me when your math problems get you your own photoshoots and story too, okay?"

"Well, it looks you get to be a rockstar just like you wanted to." Newt smiles and nods enthusiastically. "So how much have you slept in the past couple of weeks, truly?" Newt's face falls automatically and starts stuttering. Hermann continues. "Because I cannot remember the last time I slept more than four hours in one evening."

Newt takes a deep breath. "We tried so hard to save the world, we never really were quite sure what to do with it when we did." He nods to himself. "Well, we're not the only ones. All that are left from the Hong Kong Shatterdome that I've kept up to date with have similar feelings of unrest and whatever."

"You've kept up with people?" Hermann asks, almost about to ask about why he never kept up with him.

"I kept up with the people who would give me the time of day." Newt tells him strongly, as if he could read Hermann's mind and was answering with why he didn't both Hermann even though he wanted to, considered it about three times a day, etc.

Hermann is silent for a moment and then says it before he can regret it. "Well come on, let's grab something before this meeting and then we can sit and talk. I sure could go for a nice hot tea and I'm sure you'd like to get in a cup of coffee or three."

It's only after he's finished his cup and they're still talking that he realizes he ordered a coffee, medium, extra espresso shot with three packets of raw sugar and no milk mixed in that not only did he order coffee –– which he's never enjoyed or ordered before –– but took it exactly how Newton takes his. And that, surprisingly, it didn't taste too bad. Actually, it was kind of good. 

He decides to make sure he stays away from coffee.


End file.
